Recognizing emotions as guideposts

Ramen Girl tends to want to fix things and make things better.

Until one day, she embarked on the practice of meditation. She started noticing that things began to change within her. She no longer wanted to make things better or fix them. She allowed things to unfold as she watched the emotions come and go. When the feelings got uncomfortable, she paused there, watching it without judgment and recognizing that it was present, not resisting, nor creating and had risen but it also faded.

Watching the mind experience grief, witnessing pain and suffering, and a range of feelings, she realized the parallel of meditation and emotional courage like she hadn't experienced before. It appeared to have opened up so much within her. She witnessed emotions coming and going as she sat in stillness. As she practised daily, listening allowed space for people's emotions to rise without identifying them as good or bad. “I have an idea; I must fix how you feel and make you feel better” was merely a thought.

Ramen Girl was mindblown. Engaging with people is a phenomenal moment of exploration, seeing them and hearing them without needing to respond to fix and understand, allowing space for diverse feelings and thinking. In cultivating awareness, seeing things as they are shows up, and change is a limitless possibility. Creativity, curiosity, experiments, and iteration happen in the richness of feeling and thinking with gentle investigation.

This week has been complex as she grieved in silence. She was not ready to share the whole of it yet. It is vital for those around her, while not ignoring and judging, to see it thoroughly and give it love and gentleness. This has been a tremendous opportunity to show up, watching everyone dear. Grief and joy seemed to come in waves, and she noticed memories and feelings of loss and pain in her heart. At the same time, the waves bring to light the gift of impermanence and enduring abundant love.

If something in this blog post strikes curiosity, feel free to look at it.

Here are some references to begin your inquiry and unique journey to self-discovery, love, and purpose.

Meditation can bridge the gap between our intention and our reality, seeing things as they are and how to be perhaps honest with ourselves.

Thank you for your willingness and courage to explore, discover, be curious, and show up for yourself. Much love and respect. <3 08.11.2021 ay

Infinite Love - Our Mom

August is my mom's birthday month, and undoubtedly enough, I find myself reflecting on what impact I have had on her life as her daughter. I don't know if this is an Asian thing, but this thought is in my day to day experience, always thinking about my mom. For years, I have ever had this dream to move West.

Moving from Ohio to California without a job, I thought at first was brave and exciting, thinking that I would find a formidable role since I heard that jobs are abundant here in Silicon Valley. Then I'd move to my own cute Craftsman bungalow house with a tiny yard with a garden that Finn can bask in the sun. I would invite my parents to come over and make them dinner in my beautiful backlit yard strung with cafe lights. I would ask my sisters for a sister-hang on the tiny porch, and they would help me decorate the rooms shopping for some furniture and kitchen and dining items, you name it. I would invite my new friends to come over for wine and a porch-hang and learn about their stories losing track of time. I would have my neighbors for coffee and breakfast and express how grateful I am; I got to find the place I live in. I see my friends in Ohio and New York visit and have a place to crash, so they didn’t have to stay at a hotel. I would walk to the nearest park and coffee shop with Finnegan and connect with the neighbors. These were the things I saw.

Somewhere along the way, things shifted inside me that I couldn't figure out what I was seeing. Next thing I know I started getting thoughts in my head saying

"you are not good enough for that role."

“it’s amazing how you don’t know how to …”

"you are not director material"

"don’t be weird"

“you are &** (this and that)”

… months. Later, I found myself following a storyline that defeated the spirit in me to dream of a big joyful prosperous life. I have been known to be a cheerful, joyful, fun, and positive person, bringing my energy of joy everywhere I went. What is this?

So people I know would send me roles that would be exciting, but I often thought to myself, I would not be a good fit for that role what is that person thinking? But I remained thankful and not get my hopes too high. I don’t have the qualifications. I don’t know HTML, JavaSript, CSS, Python, I don’t know how to code. I did not graduate from an Ivy League, Stanford, or Berkeley or UCI, you name it, I had the reason and the mindset of not believing in myself. This is what happens when we internalize external things. It is easy to get caught in it if we don’t stop and pause and take inventory of our self. It takes a certain energy to call it out and hold up the mirror. I would sabotage my chances by getting my head in the way.

So as August draws to a close, thinking of my mom and her boundless love and faith in me. Thanking me for moving to California, I dedicate my search for a job so that I move out of the house. I worry about you doing so much for our family. My mother exemplifies love, devotion, sacrifice, perseverance, and hope. I love you so much. I will get that role—tears of joy.

Be kind. Keep being earnest and keep moving forward, because you want to make sure they are cared for as well. <3 Aiko

As August 2020 draws near to a close with a pandemic, California fires, social and civil unrest, political transition, I reflect on my mother’s love who celebrates her birthday this month along with our grandmother, aunts in Japan, all the mothers in the world, I reflect on mine. Inspired by today’s meditation with Headspace 08/22/2020. Aiko Yonamine

Hiatus - Intention to Care for the Whole System

March 14, 2020, the pandemic was just about to hit us. Little did we know that three months later, the benefit of wearing masks would be a political debate. Little did we know that Black Lives Matter would be construed as being against “All Lives Matter.”

Besides point, we live each day as if it is our last. This pandemic has taught me to savour every moment, be less chatty, be quiet, and observe Finn be joy playing on the grass. It goes without question that there would be risk of infecting his little skin tag. Sure enough towards the end of the month of May, his tiny little skin tag broke and became inflamed. It bled a bright red. It got angry that it grew to the size of a dime (10 cent coin). It swelled and rounded as if protecting something inside, as if a dome formed around a puncture or foreign object lodged inside his skin. The body is incredible. It has ways of fighting infection. It makes things known. It oozes. It swells. It bleeds. It suppurates. It scars. It also regenerates. The fact of the matter is, it will take some time. My mind wants to think it will be quick but realistically, I will have to keep it clean, provide the space and time to allow for healing to occur.

Every corner of my mind, I worry about the ramifications if I don’t opt for surgery to have that inflamed lesion removed. Or do I take the slower way, having faith in the unknown and allowing his body to heal? My curiosity to study, revisit, and learn about homeopathy has come to visit us again. Why, I visualized Finnegan recovering and gaining more strength rather than bombarding his system to antibiotic, steroid, and NSAIDs. Removing the lesion by means of surgery does not guarantee for the lesion to return with a vengeance. I have read stories about cysts, lesions, tumors returning despite surgery only to find the animal suffering even more in the long term. So here we go.

We are now in July and I am going camping. I will see how Finnegan’s body responds during these days of break. I am thankful for the humble power of homeopathy. Every single day, I notice Finnegan’s desire to walk further and has a greater zest to greet people, dogs, and smell the various plants and grass of our little neighborhood. I feel his vitality return. It will take some time. Just be patient. Be loving. Be open.

Today I mark my 365 days of non-stop use of Headspace. I often reflect on how it has changed me in some way. It does not mean that I don’t have difficult emotions. It just means that I have an open relationship with the thoughts that come and go. The story that the mind creates, merely that. A story, nothing more and nothing less to be taken seriously. It just is. It flees. There is a choice. To be free.

For more information about Headspace.

I sometimes wonder what if I went onto become a physician? Somewhere along the way, I chose a different path. I am grateful for it because I will always have love and gratitude for medicine knowing what I know now. I have learned that healing is universal and the body is an amazing vessel to be cared for, celebrated, honored, and respected. At the same time, there is no need to get identified with it. Medicine is not just about suppressing but letting things take its course to heal and strengthen.

If you want to geek out on alternative veterinary medicine, here you go.

Veterinary Homeopathy

Practical Use of Homeopathy in your Practice

20 Top Secret Natural Remedies For Your Dog

Veterinary Homeopathy

HOMEOPATHIC REMEDIES FOR DOGS AND CATS

Homeopathy for Animals

It is now up to you to continue and get curious for learning doesn’t stop here.

…

Learning is boundless

Kindness is Always There

We recently lost a legend whose songs touched many of us. Thank you for the reminder I am here to embrace both my feminine and masculine nature, Mr. Prine.

I want to lean back.

I am trusting you.

I create space for things to unfold.

Noticing that when the mind takes hold, it can cause myself to retreat, I feel it in my body. I feel the sensation in my body like I want to run away when I feel fear and uneasiness.

Lean back, watch it. Let go of it.

I am grateful for this body. I am thankful for every breath.

Relinquish the desire to control the outcome. I feel it in my body.

Acknowledge thoughts and feelings, trust, and let go. Return to love and trust. Kindness is there all along.

Don’t hold back with giving and expressing love. Just witness your breath.

Your love is boundless. It is there all along. When our mind gets caught up in fear, we lose sight of it. It is okay.

I feel it in my heart. I want to embrace you. You come to meet me halfway.

Takeaway:

During these unprecedented times, we will experience uncomfortable emotions and thoughts coming and going. This is okay. These feelings of grief, fear, anxiety are opportunities to notice that kindness and appreciation are there. Kindness is allowing things to unfold, be expressed without judgment, trust. Meditation is the gateway to realizing this innate nature.

From my current experience, meditation has allowed me to see my mind wander. Many thoughts come and hang out. I do see I can get caught up in emotions and thoughts of those around me at times especially when my body is tired and hungry. At the same time, I appreciate seeing the brilliance of the rays of the sun filling me and those around me. I do recognize what Andy says during the guided meditations, that the blue skies are innate within us all. We don’t have to “do.” The clouds may be there, rain, thunder may strike, but beneath it, all are the blue skies.

If you have been reading my blog, you know how I have been using Headspace for mindfulness. I am marking my 237th day of non-stop Headspace use. I will be forever be humbled by how meditation has touched me that I cannot just keep it to myself. I hope the world discovers the power of witnessing our breath, the life force within us. We remind you more than ever before of how mental health is a fundamental force within us all that can aspire remarkable change within ourselves and cultivating health and happiness beyond ourselves.

Thankful that Headspace has opened tools for us to tap into our innate nature. I have included “Weathering the Storm” in the link below for you. I have shared this with friends, to my community, and hope this reaches you, your loved ones, and our community and the world.

Headspace is here to help YOU: https://www.headspace.com/covid-19

Rest in Peace, John Prine. Your songs celebrate life in all it’s shades of colors. Thank you for gracing this world with your melodies. I always get happy when I listen to your songs. I never knew why, but I don’t need to know. Thank you. xox

Provided to YouTube by Atlantic Records Sweet Revenge · John Prine Sweet Revenge ℗ 1973 Atlantic Recording Corporation for the United States and WEA Internat...

The sunshine is always beneath the clouds

Where Paradise Lay - Written by Joe Wilkins

What is True Love?

I was recently given the opportunity to take a look inside myself and examine my intentions, my true intentions. I haven’t been in a committed romantic relationship in years. I felt I needed the time and space to look at what I was doing, since I felt a sense of void and unhappiness when I was much younger, often seeking external pleasures and needs. I realized I was always “with a guy” since I left home, not really having the opportunity to figure out what I wanted in life, in myself, for the world around me. I was a late bloomer but to me, it didn’t really matter. I found myself turning 41 and not being happy with myself and who I have become as half of a couple. I never imagined life without anyone. I never imagined being alone. At the point, I felt like I was going through the motions of the so-called falling in love with an idea, an idea of a person or “the perfect relationship.”

I will forever be grateful to all my former boyfriends who shared their life with me during those years of coupledom.

The years of solitude and self-imposed singleness has allowed me to see things for what they are. For this, I am grateful for all that time, now and ever.

*My companion, imaginary boyfriend, and teacher during the years of solitude* - this list will continuously grow as I remember them.

Books with magic (Support your local bookstore):

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez

How Proust Can Change Your Life: Not a Novel by Alain de Botton

Education thru music and record labels to be grateful for:

Mexican Summer, a record label >> https://www.mexicansummer.com

Drag City, another record label >> https://www.dragcity.com

Secretly Canadian >> https://secretlycanadian.com

Asthmatic Kitty >> https://asthmatickitty.com

Merge Records >> https://www.mergerecords.com

Health and self-care practices

Isha Yoga, my meditation and yoga practice, technologies for well-being >> https://isha.sadhguru.org/us/en

Pecha Kucha, death to PowerPoint and boring bullet points >> https://www.pechakucha.com

Headspace, bringing health and happiness to the world >> https://www.headspace.com

School of Life, learning to embrace our flawed self >> https://www.theschooloflife.com

Most of us think we know what love is; we may just be looking for the right person to lavish our love on. But it's no insult, and indeed it might even be hel...

Connecting with and Serving Customers Start with Us

When we are at work, do we often get the results and outcomes we want? Do we expect our satisfaction or happiness to be coming from an external source? If this [fill in the blank happens], then I will be happy and peaceful [fill the “feel-good” emotion].

Day-to-day, we will run into some glitches (or are they?), customers who get anxious, behavior that affect us negatively. This stuff happens. The outcome is out of our control, but the beauty is in us. Things we identify or label as "bad." But does it have to affect us or be "bad?" Do we think that waiting for people to change their behavior will change the way we are feeling? We can feel great one moment and then feel agitated by something else. How do we stay fresh? 

It starts with the fundamental relationship with yourself. How do you do it? Do you play sports? Do you dance? Do you listen to music? How do you enjoy and reach your innermost bliss and ecstasy, reaching your deepest deep? It is much more apparent.

So when we are in a role that is customer-facing, realize that you have the power to respond, not be caught up in the thoughts and emotions of others and expressing kindness to yourself and in turn to everyone around you. Our breath is a gift. You are brilliant.

Here's an exercise to try and see how it feels for you: (Remember no expectations.)

Each in-breath and each out-breath. Watch it come and go. 

Watch the emotions that arise. Watch the thoughts that come. 

Note that the feelings and thoughts are there; let go and go back to watching your breath. (Letting go is just not following the thought or emotion. That’s all there is to it.)

Note it. (Thoughts and emotions will come.)

If you are curious to learn more, check out a cool app called “Headspace."

While you are at it, I found this tune to pause in the day. Look out the window and take a walk. Self-care loves.

Headspace vs. Calm

I was given the opportunity to sample the Calm app. If you ask which is better, I won’t compare. What I have discovered is that it’s all up to you to decide what meditation app works for your vibe.

I have only been using the Headspace app nonstop for the last 135 days even though I subscribed to the app in January 2019. If you stop using the app anytime during the subscription or if you skip a day, your streak restarts. It keeps you accountable in that sense.

As a Starbucks partner (employee), I use the Headspace app because it is simple, it has different lengths and all I need is something that gives me a sense I am in sangha. I look forward to the “Everyday Headspace” with Andy Puddicombe, consistent guided meditation and self guided silent introspection.

I love the Calm app too. As a Kaiser Permanente member, I get to use Calm. I realize there is no need to compare which is better.

So here it is. It is simple. It’s all about your preferences. It is up to you. Every person has their own unique experience regarding meditation. There is no absolute. There is no need to overthink it. Just do what is needed for your mental fitness and wellbeing. You can be discerning but there is no need to go overboard. See how it feels.

When reflecting on what meditation is for me, it’s a doorway to observe thoughts and sensations without getting attached. I observe myself not judging the thoughts as good or bad. They are just thoughts and feelings that came and go as I watch myself inhale and exhale. This is called breath watching. From my experience, when there is a thought that comes to mind, I see it, acknowledge it, and let go and get back to watch my breath. I can write all about my experience.

Here are the two meditation apps I speak of thus far: (You can choose which one you work for you. Enjoy.)

Calm - https://www.calm.com

Headspace - https://www.headspace.com

Having said all that, I am gratified that I was given the chance to try Calm free for 30 days. I thank Calm for allowing me to try it. I didn’t expect to get the trial for more than 7 days. I appreciate their Customer Service Team so much for being supportive and not sounding like a robot. Haha. xo

Takeaway Assignment: Explore what comparing does to your experience in life. Explore how thinking in “good” or “bad” affects how you experience your life.

Beyond Service but Love

When you look inward and realize the depth of your existence, this marvelous breath

beyond the body and mind

you go out into the world beyond service but an expression of what love is within you.

The sweetness of expression of life.

The Practice: Take a walk. Look around you. Stop and get to know a living being. If you are lucky, you get to witness an ant or a bee working. Take note. Watch your breath. See how it feels. Now with this sensation, go out and live your best life. Make it happen, you loves.

Sending you vibes and jams that you be moved by the leaves, a blade of grass, a petal, a stream, the clouds flirting with pink skies, the morning dew and inside you. Thank you for being here. xo

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On Love

Unrealistic expectations and falling in love with the “idea” of the relationship aren’t seeing the person right in front of us as they are. We lose the opportunity to experience joy with the person whom we “think” we love.

You are the Beautiful Creator

Have you ever sat down and simply watched your breath?

Wishing you peace, joy, health and love.

Thanks for this opportunity to write.

It is so beautiful. xox

Disrupting Oneself

Ever since I moved to California, I am not going to lie. It’s been pure hell!

I had an idea in my head that everything would be grand. My parents would be thrilled that I finally moved here, but there was a glitch. I did not have a job lined up, so that added a layer of challenge. I shipped boxes of books, CDs, cassette tapes, vinyl records, a set of AllClad pans, and a vacuum cleaner across the country, which are waiting to warm up my home. I brought my savings. I would get a job right away and find a great apartment. NOPE. That’s not what happened.

Deep inside, I felt a great sense of inadequacy. Being surrounded by so many women and men who are accomplishing so much, traveling, living a life of luxury, and also people who struggled finding work that they loved, it drove me to look inward on what I wanted in my life. Why is this happening? Is it me? Is it my way of communicating? My look? My voice? What am I doing “wrong?” I found myself comparing to other’s achievements and accomplishments. Accomplishments? I thought I accomplished something beautiful in the 5+ years, having seen a curriculum evolve and see it be ready for the next level that I felt it was time for me to make room for another instructional designer take over and contribute to Lead.Serve.Inspire. I love and deeply respect the faculty members of the College of Medicine OSUCOM, the program directors, the subject matter experts, program coordinators, the nurses, the students. I will forever be grateful for the faith they put in me to guide them as they crafted what they teach.

I was proud of arriving here in California, and yet somehow, I found myself lost with so much self-doubt. What happened? How did I get that way? The Aiko that arrived here had full of confidence, knowing that my family would be supportive. I heard and read that I must have a job lined up before moving here, but on the contrary, I came here with just the thought of wanting to be near my family. That was my priority. 

Now that 2019 is almost coming to an end and the holidays are approaching. Which means recruiting season is going to tighten. Shall I be afraid? This narrowing hiring window and the gap are deepening. I want to become a beginner again. The willingness to begin again is the spark.

Is this what happens when discomfort visits, we let external factors and the environment get internalized? I care too much. San Francisco has a way of turning me inside out, seeing countless people in the streets who don’t have homes. I found myself not being able to tune it out. I felt a great sense of loss and dignity for the people without a home, no food, but only find they can solely rely on substances to numb the pain. I am so fortunate and privileged to have a home in one of the most expensive areas and most intense markets in California. I mentioned earlier in previous posts, the mind, with its way to seek comfort and safety, with thoughts and feelings, sets in, and it has the power to make everything appear something to fear, a hassle, a brick that can weigh us down and create stagnation, defeat. I haven't found my next role yet. I ended up playing a game of “you’re not good enough.” Why?

I fell in love with medical education. If it were up to me, I would stay in this comfort zone of doing the same thing. It’s a scary place to pivot to the unknown. What is the next chapter? I don't know. I am in a place where I want to offer my energy to the next level of learning and service. The future of education is boundless. People are more curious than ever before. People want to expand and be boundless. Why are we heading to AI? Why are we focused on User Experience? Why is Customer Experience and Success coming to the forefront? We have such a great opportunity right now more than ever. Time is valuable, and it is a currency. Is it just about me? No. 

The Opportunity for growth: Watch the thoughts and feelings that come and see what shows up. Do you see things as "likes" and "dislikes?" Where do you think this is rooted? Where did it begin? Write it all down. See what shows up. Is the idea true? How do you think this idea serves your purpose? Take a look. You are the creator of your life.

Music exercise: Get home. Take off your shoes. Put on your slippers. Get comfortable. Dim the lights. Go outside. See the sunset. Watch the sky. Put on your headset and take a walk. Or just sit quietly. Listen. Go inward. Get out in the world.

Album Exploration and self-reflection - When It Falls (Special Edition) by Zero 7 on Spotify. Experience added to “my California - an exploration.” Music is love.

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The nagging truth

Hey, inaction! Anytime you find that things are not getting done,

or you are not getting the results you want,

and now you find you are frustrated,

take a look at yourself.

You will not get people to cooperate

and do what you want

when salt and vinegar are continuously used in your language,

hoping that people will yield to your wants and wishes.

Don't even think that action is putting it back on you and blaming you.

How do you think bees made the queen happy?

The Takeaway: A meditation

It's okay. When it comes to things not working out as you want it, give yourself some time, watch your breath, and move forward. A reaction to what already happened results in anger and frustration. This energy creates an impact around you that does not give purpose, only alienation and stagnation.

Feel the sensation in your heart. Is it hardening?

Everything works towards what you want. Watch your thoughts, ideas, without judgment, and observe. Soften.

Peace and love, dear cats. xoxo Ai

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What I learned today - a practice

It’s pretty amazing to see people share their knowledge and wisdom to help people create better lives.

I noticed in my experience, when I look inward, I see how beautiful this world we live in and the people around us. I am grateful to live in a time where we are empowered to become more aware of our thoughts and actions.

Points of awareness: What do I want to optimize in my life? Living and working joyfully. It starts with the self.

Use and practice what serves people and us better, the world around us.

Unlearn the unconscious habits of mind that ultimately keeps us stagnant, fearful, angry, agitated, which eventually hurts the people we serve and us as human beings.

Tonight, I looked up to the sky and witnessed the colors of the sky perform its orchestra of colors; adorned with orange, magenta, purple, and dark blue.

These past few days, I witnessed the human power of caring and compassion. I learned so much about resilience, vision, vulnerability, and the strength of the spirit. Joy is accessible. Happiness is right in front of us when we really want to be happy and fulfilled.

So here is a little mental exercise that was inspired by a TEDxTalk by Amit Sood, MD of Mayo Clinic. I am glad I found this video because it helps to put things into perspective for the times when I feel sad about something that I continuously hear, or see in the world around us. I hope you find wisdom and hope in it as well, to empower you to practice self-care and be joyful, compassionate, and kind.

Gratitude, hello

Every day I will sit in silence with you

Practice a meditation called to thank you

I want to be conscious and awake

closing my eyes as I take note

how each of my dear five people

brought me joy today

Inspiration: Learning. Neuroscience. Brain Happy. Heart. Joy. Gratitude. Love. People. Freedom. Family.

You are beautiful. You are healthy and full of Universal grace.

Surrender. The best is yet to come and there is so much opportunity in this world. You are the creator. Much love.

Twenty years ago, Dr. Amit Sood, a Professor of Medicine at Mayo Clinic, came to the U.S. thinking he was coming to the Disneyland of the world. He expected everyone here to be very happy. What he saw surprised and shocked him.