I am gonna get real and raw. I haven’t fully given up or ruled out doing my dream job for that unicorn company that aligns with my values and purpose; so phone interviews, initially, I never thought this was something I would dread but something along the way, I made it become something to fear and loathe. As a side note, I have been giving interviews and doing them too for years so I love asking questions and helping recruit students and future team members; it was cake. Admittedly, recently, after not being chosen to be on the next round for face to face interaction with this one particular company I have been following, I had to stop and take a hard look at what I am doing to prevent myself from being swallowed by a rabbit hole. Okay, failure is human and it’s a gateway to enligthenment. I realize, and I have been getting better and better at practicing some kind of Jedi mind trick. What?!! Thank you. I see it, and it isn't so great. As I have embarked on this exploration to my next role since moving here in the Bay Area last May 2018, the thought saying the "wrong" things or sounding like a total crazy romantic person has been a frequent visitor in my mind. What was I thinking? Okay, maybe it's just a way to recalibrate.
Somewhere along the way, I have become my own worst enemy and lost track. I have been comparing myself to others and in turn, I forgot to celebrate my contributions and the other important thing is that I forgot to use my love for people. I got kicked in the pants and was humbly reminded to adjust the focus and see who is really important to me. PEOPLE. It is people's needs. The importance of service. The mindset of helping. How I can make my director awesome. How can I make my colleagues, teammates look fantastic, my customers be heard, my company thrive, and my industry proud and constantly evolving to be better each day to increase the experience of humanity. It starts with ME.
The brain is incredible and beautiful. You can wire your mind to be fearful if you want to, miserable and irritable and scolding if you really want to, and you may think you may be unafraid, but you genuinely are. Our physiology or I would call the body has a funny way of making it known something needs a little attention. The indicator is in the sensation in the gut and our breathing. It’s pretty cool.
I always remember my dream of becoming a doctor, how being a student gave me the insight of caring for the learner and their experience; falling in love with education and people.
I am going to pause for a moment for a quick and simple self check. Here's an exercise, are you feeling anxious at this moment about something? Another way is to just stop and take a look at the experience of where things are heavy in sensation or where the breath is effortful and how deep the breath gets longer or shorter when a particular thought comes to mind. When I was in college, I put a lot of investment in my learning and recalled this experience back when I feared to fail an exam. During those years, I thought eating tuna, spinach, and angel hair pasta was something sufficient and healthy, and I made it my staple; accompanied with lots of coffee. Turns out that wasn't an awesome ritual longterm. I went through a phase of anxiety and fear; it was not until I made a change in something fundamental later in my adulting life that I became aware of my body experience. There are so many layers to this story it’s fantastic. I changed what I consumed and my behavior and mindset evolved. Fast forward, I learned to weave self care in my daily ritual.
I will explore the layers later as I go on writing my reflections here.
We can really take our mind where we want to make it; maybe because it has become more comfortable and eventually, more natural. It is also the same for stillness and openness. It’s a practice which takes dedication. One thought maybe can start as the idea of fear of not belonging; not asking the right questions, making mistakes, failing, your list can go on and on; it can be judged and grow even to "loneliness" if we really want to. If we think in our minds that we can't express ourselves and be entangled in our thoughts, it will be like this. Another goes for if we observe our emotions are mere emotions, they come and go; they are not be controlled, pushed away, repressed and yes, not to be followed or identified with, anything is possible.
Here is the lightbulb moment. Phone interviews are a way to open up, see a perspective or two or three and to learn about the needs of the person; perhaps your future director, your customers, your company, your industry on the other side of that line. You will figure it out. Every phone interaction is a blank page on a chapter of the discovery of seeing each others' needs, values, even fears, gaps, and how we can work together to fulfill the need; fill the gap, finding whether our values align. It takes a bit of practice. Learn to notice the difference. Watch and be mindful of your environment. See what you put in your body. See what thoughts you put or follow in your head (mindset). Are you fixed? Are you willing to grow? You are a creator. You are a designer of your life. You are more intelligent than you think. Hope this stream of consciousness helps light something within if you find yourself in a mental block or with the company of anxiety and fear.
Anxiety and fear are not to be judged but observed and not identified with. When they come to your house, check what your body consumes (impressions, energy you surround yourself with, physical, mental, nutritional and medical). This is an opportunity to transcend and grow. Key is radical self-care.
What platform allows you to be in this space? Come to think of it, I need to stop and eat for my body and mind. Hope you the same too. Much love.